


The Trials and Tribulations of Patrick Sharp (aka Patrick Sharp is surrounded by idiots in love)

by strykerxlr8



Category: Hockey RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Denial of Feelings, M/M, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-02-16 07:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2261109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strykerxlr8/pseuds/strykerxlr8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For as long as Sharpy has known Jonny and Patrick, they have been skirting around each other.</p><p>“You would think after over seven year they would have worked something out and boned already!” Sharpy muttered to Duncs and Seabs as they watch the oblivious idiots dance around each other again in their weird game of ‘Want me as much as I want you’</p><p>OR Patrick sharp gets tired of watching Jonny and Patrick dance around each other </p><p>AKA The different times he tried to do something about it and fails.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The trying times of Patrick sharp

For as long as Sharpy has known Jonny and Patrick, they have been skirting around each other.

“You would think after over seven year they would have worked something out and boned already!” Sharpy muttered to Duncs and Seabs as they watch the oblivious idiots dance around each other again in their weird game of _‘Want me as much as I want you’_

It had been another long practice and all their bones where aching from the punishing drills Coach Q made them do. For not the first time in a while, Sharpy was feeling his age on ice in all the bruises he acquire from his own teammates. The bastards. It didn’t help the headache he was sporting as well with the constant unresolved sexual tension and pigtail pulling bickering floating through Jonny and Pat throughout the entire practice. There was enough that even Coach Q had pull them both aside to talk to them.

And now, the two idiots were pouting at each other from their locker stalls and Sharpy was quickly losing his patience with them both.

He had his own wife and kids who demanded his attention (and he actually liked his family and wants to give them his attention) and he really did not see why he had to be the one who was the designated matchmaker in the team. It was times like this that he really missed Burs.

The problem with matchmaking the two boneheads was not the fact that he _had_ to do it, it’s that no matter how many times he had tried to set them up (of course without their knowledge), they become these totally oblivious idiots who just thought he was pulling a prank on them!

Like that one time he tried to set them up by taking both their luggage away from their room during a road trip so that they can become naked and get their funk going, they just shrugged, got pissed and decided to go on full blown shopping trip where they secretly admired each other whenever they tried new clothes on. Sharpy knows this because they dragged him along (probably as some kind of buffer so they don’t snap and ravish each other in the changing room or something). Dammit, he could have been taking a nap instead.

Or another time, when he tried to trick them into going for a romantic dinner together by telling them it was a team thing but instead of inviting everyone else, he just made a reservation in their name and told the restaurant people to make it as romantic as they possibly can (of course as he and Burish were pretending to be Bond and Bond girl – Sharpy won Bond, they were in his car with binoculars so that they could check how the unintentional date was going). But as usual, he was foiled again when only Jonny showed up and looked confused on why he was sitting alone in the restaurant with rose petals all over his table. Five minutes later, Sharpy sees that Jonny pick up his phone and scrunches up his face in the way Sharpy knows is his ‘ _Patrick is hurt, I must avenge him’_ face. Three seconds later, he runs out of the restaurant and Sharpy finds out the next day that Pat has gotten sick and Jonny had gone over to his place to take care of him. Throughout Pat’s flu, Jonny hovered around him like Pat was going to be taken away from him any moment and Patrick, even sick, had the dopiest smile whenever he had Jonny around fussing over him. It was disgusting.

Sharpy had tried the _‘lock them in a room’_ thing but that only lead to them discussing Hockey strategies. He just had to find the one room in the entire freaking building that had video review tapes and a white board and lock them in, didn’t he? Sharpy still smacks himself in the face over that one. He doesn’t even know why that didn’t occur to him since he knew that other than each other, Jonny and Pat’s other obsession is Hockey.

To be fair, most of Sharpy’s ideas on how to get them together haven’t been the greatest since he might have stolen them from Romantic movies he was forced to watch with Abby (and no, he does make her turn off the light and put out scented candles and cry at the endings. He’s manly, dammit).

But looking at them moping at each other from across the room now was as painfully embarrassing as it was years ago when he had come to terms with the fact that they won’t sort their shit out with each other without some outside interference.

In between the unsubtle angry muttering and soulful longing glances they keep giving each other, Pat looked like he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to match up to Jonny and make out for ages/ask for forgiveness or punch him for making him lose it on ice while Jonny looked like he wanted to ravish Pat where he was standing (if his constant eye fucking was to be believed) or drag him onto the ice to have a fair fight.

Sharpy groaned and turned to the other slightly less clueless oblivious assholes on his team, Duncs and Seabs, and said “We have to do something, guys. This is getting on far beyond the levels of pathetic.”

They both stared at him for a few seconds before turning to each other to have some weird D-men telepathic communication.

“Well,” Duncs began “Have you tried –“

“-talking to them about it?” Seabs finished.

No matter how long Sharpy has known these two, it still weird him out how they both can finish each other’s sentence and communicate without even speaking. He hoped to have that kind of partnership with Abby one day. He was gonna enjoy freaking people out with it!

“Guys, no. Remember the one and only time we tried to bring it up with both of them? It ended up being a fuckfest of ‘No Home, Bro’. No, they are both too chicken and scared of rejection to even think about talking to each other like reasonable adults even though everyone and their mother can see how much they are both into each other. Really guys, it’s best to nudge them together so they don’t panic and bolt” Sharpy replied.

The D-men shared another look again and turned to Sharpy as one and shrugged at the same time. Freaky.

“We think it’s time to stop nudging gently –“Seabs began

“–and start with the tough love.” Duncs continued.

“Sharpy, it’s been over seven years –“Seabs started again

“–If they haven’t gotten with each other yet and gentle hints isn’t covering it –“Duncs followed

“–then, it’s time to strap them both down and present it to them in hard facts”

“Plus”, Duncs said, grinning at Seabs, “The looks on their faces would be worth it”.

“Yeah” Seabs whispered back, grinning back with a slight blush.

Sharpy swung his gaze between them both. Now, when did this happen? He thought they hadn’t pulled their heads out of their asses either. When this whole Jonny and Pat business was over, he was gonna pull it out of both of them

Sharpy looked around the room once again and drew in a deep breath before letting it out. He really needed stress balls. Not for him but for his entire locker room of teammates to throw at especially when they all decide that they want to start falling in love with each other.

At a corner of the room, Bollig had Shawzy cornered with his head bent too closely to Shawzy’s ear and, if they are not been looked at particularly, no one would notice the blissful look on shawzy’s face over whatever it was Bollig was doing/saying to him.

Not far from them, Saader and Leddy are in their own little world with their head bent and making google eyes at each other.

When he turned back to the two he was talking too, he found them looking at each other like they were a second away from brush their lips together.

“Guys!” Sharpy snapped. They jumped apart. “Focus. How do we solve our friends’ seven year itch?” He smirked at that play on word basking in his genius even if his teammates refuse to acknowledge it.

Duncs cleared his throat but his voice still came out a bit hoarse when he spoke.

“Sharpy, we gave you an answer and as much as we’d love to help, Seabs and I would really like to get out of here and get some rest”

Sharpy snorted. “Rest. Sure that’s what you meant. Sure. Why are you abandoning me in my time of need to go bang each other?” Ok, so maybe less whining voice and more tact could have been applied but he was been betrayed and deserted here, he was allowed to whine.

Blushing more, Seabs looked at him pointedly and said “I don’t know why you are so prissy all of sudden, Sharpy, because I recall you calling yourself, what was the words he used, Duncs?”

“I believe it was _‘The best damn matchmaker in Chicago and watch me make this morons fall in love’_ ”

“Exactly. Thank you, Duncs” Seabs smiled brightly at Duncs like he just solved the greatest riddle in the world.

Sharpy hated his teammates.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. The Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharpy organizes an intervention to show Jonny and Patrick how much they love each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm playing into the stereotypes the fandom has of this team, please don't care about it and just enjoy. :)

Fine.

If that was what Duncs and Seabs wanted, tough love it is.

But how to bring on tough love to Chicago’s most stubborn not-couple. Apparently, trashy TV shows would be the answers to all his problems. Ok, not all his problems but the point is clear.

Apparently, being sidelined with injury gives you too much time to do nothing and by doing nothing, he means watching trashy daytime TV shows where families have to give intervention to a member for the silliest reasons that goes from chewing gum addictions to bed making addictions, which what? Why?

The positive side of watching the brain rotting show was that he now has the idea to create an intervention day for Jonny and Patrick which would include their teammates. Sharpy grins at himself while simultaneously patting himself on the back for such a genius idea. The guys were gonna love it.

 

*

 

“No.”

“What the fuck, Sharpy?”

“In your dreams, Sharpy.” Various versions of rejection flowed in the training room. Sharpy was stunned.

_But, it’s brilliant,_ he thinks. The players and some coaches were in the training room except Pat and Jonny who had some promotional thing they had to do together, as usual.

“Guys, come on! Think about it! If we get them to finally admit their feelings, think of how much the unresolved sexual tension would go down in the locker room!” Sharpy says, gesturing widely.

He turns to Coach Q, who was biking at the other side of the room. “Coach, back me up here! Imagine the amounts of snark attacks that would go down in practice!”

He looks at Saader who was willfully trying to pretend he wasn’t there. “Saader, don’t you want Jonny to be happy?” and that was a low blow using the rookie’s hero worship against him but Sharpy was getting desperate here.

_I swear, I’m never trying to matchmaker again,_ Sharpy thinks in resignation. _I’m hanging my skates up._

“It’s a great plan! You’ll thank me for this!”

Many of the players continued to look at him skeptically, mumbling to each other on the pros and cons of having a less hormone charged locker room.

Coach Q’s voice rose up in the silence. “I think Sharpy might be right. Lord knows, those two idiots need to sort out their denial issues. The other day, I caught them just looking at each other in the cafeteria practically eating of each other’s plates, acting like a couple!”

Murmurs of agreement rose.

Bicker’s voice followed. “They won’t stop staying over in each other’s rooms during road trips. For hours! No one misses their roommate that much! Sorry, Bollig.”

Bollig pauses in his Shawzy tickling attempt to mutter “No worries, dude.”

Hossa, who had been quiet the entire time, paused his bicep curl to say “They are each other’s valentine. Every year, they panic and ask me for opinion. Why me?” then resumed his exercise.

Actually, Sharpy felt slighted by that. Why didn’t they come to him? _Probably because you’d laugh at them and then give bad advice?_ His mind answered. Screw you brain.

By now, most of the players were in agreement as they shared stories of how much of a couple their two teammates were. By the end of the day, everyone had agreed and they made arrangements for what they planned on doing and saying on the day.

Sharpy slept well that night.

 

*

 

Intervention day.

_It is a testament of my love for those two that shows how far I’m willing to go for them_ , Sharpy thinks as he reviews his PowerPoint slide show, the banner in his living room and his teammates making themselves comfortable (with his food, dammit Abby!). _This better be worth it or I’m giving up._

Sharpy texts Jonny that Patrick was in his house, upset about his game and to come over immediately. Jonny confirms he was in his car driving over in less than 2 minutes.

Sharpy had gotten Abby to send Patrick a message about emergency babysitting. Pat was due to arrive there any minute.

“Alright guys, you all know what to do?”

A chorus of ‘yeah’ rang out in the room followed almost eerily by the sound of the doorbell.

Sharpy goes to open the door and lets Patrick. As Patrick step into the living room, he’s grabbed by the closest muscled guys and tied to a chair facing the room.

They had to gag him as well to stop his constant swearing and threats of how the NHL ban them to Europe where no one will never find them, blah blah blah. It was adorable when Patrick tried to be tough.

A few minutes later, they had Jonny in the same position (without a gag) because he was doing his glaring constipated judging face at all of them. One by one. It was scarier than whatever Patrick had spewed. But Sharpy charged on because true love, that’s why!

“They better be a good reason why Pat and I are tied up, Sharpy” Jonny says quietly, pausing his glares to look over at Patrick in concern. “Are you ok?” He directs at Patrick, who could only nod while making sure Jonny was alright as well. This continued on to romantic fluffy land for the two, lost in each other’s eyes, while turning awkward everyone else in the room. Sharpy sighed.

Clearing his throat loudly enough to stop the eye gazing, he started.

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears –“

“Sharpy!” was chorused around the room. He looked around the room to see exasperated faces.

“Fine if you uncultured people want to hear my awesome speech, then you are missing out!”

Coach Q sighed from his perch on a love seat. “Just get to the point Sharpy.”

“Right.” Sharpy turns toward the tied two. “We are sick and tired of watching you guys moon over each other and denying it so we gathered undeniable evidence that you are totally into each other and after, you are gonna make out!”

Jonny and Patrick looked stunned. Perfect.

“Good. Now, everyone is gonna have a go at showing examples of how into each other you are and you are gonna listen. Crow, you’re up.”

Sharpy goes to man the slides. The first picture shows Jonny and Patrick lying on top of each other on the ice during a hockey practice while attempting a shootout game against Crow (Crow had been blocking them easily because they had been distracting each other).  

Crow clears his throat “Guys. I don’t have much to say but please bring the lovey dovey down during practice. You guys end up more focused on each other when coach Q is not watching and give me pathetic shots! During the day this picture was taken, Jonny, you practically made the cheesiest romantic movie _‘let me show you how to do stuff by wrapping my hands around you’_ move I had ever seen. Patrick, you pushing back into Jonny and pretending you don’t know what you are doing was embarrassingly cliché for all of us on the ice that day. So please get your freaky foreplay on before shootout practice. Shootouts are sacred man! Evil, but sacred!”

Crow sits down. Jonny and Patrick have identical looks of horror. They were also red in the face so at least they were acknowledging this.

The slide changes to a picture of Jonny and Patrick after the Stanley cup parade. Patrick was straddling Jonny with his arms around Jonny’s neck while Jonny had one arm circled around Patrick’s waist while his other hand was splayed on Patrick’s ass, trying to pull him closer. Patrick’s face was tucked under Jonny’s jaw with his lips pressed against his skin. Jonny’s head was tilted backwards to give Patrick more access. The picture was pretty damning and was meant for blackmail purposes.

Present day Patrick was blushing furiously.

Sharpy snickered.

Versteeg stands up. “Guys, I have lots of friend. Male friends. Male friends that I love. But no level of drunkenness would make me want to give a hickey to anyone of them. And I know you want to blame the alcohol on this but the truth is, we didn’t actually give you hard stuff, mostly light beer. I have seen you have drink more liquor than this and still be coherent. So you doing that was pretty much your own doing.” He gestures widely before sitting back down.

Jonny was gaping at this point. A blush stained his face as well.

This pattern continued on. Smith, Oduya, Hammer and Kruger already said their piece.

Jonny and Patrick kept squirming nervously, glancing at each other before looking away. Sharpy observed this reaction. It was weird. You would think that they would be giving protests or at least saying anything to argue on the sanity of their teammates but no. Sharpy looked closer as they shared another look before glancing away. This time, Sharpy recognized the look and his eyes widened.

Guilt.  

They were sharing looks of guilt!

“STOP” Sharpy cried, interrupting Raanta in his impassioned speech of what true love was and how the pair where swimming in it. Raanta pouted, and Sharpy almost felt guilty for putting that look on his face but he had answers to get.

“You!” He pointed at the pair. “What was that? What was that look?” They looked confused yet defensive.

“Nothing” Jonny said, trying to look stoic. Patrick, on the other hand, seemed to be cracking. Sharpy removed the make shift gag from his mouth.

In a silky voice, Sharpy said “December 18, 2010”. Patrick paled.

Sucking in a breath, Patrick looked at Jonny, his eyes pleading. Jonny sighed.

“We might as well” he said.

Glancing between the two, Sharpy asked “You might as well what? And don’t lie to me Patrick Timothy Kane.”

Glaring, Patrick said “We have been together for about 3 years now. We were just a bit too scared to tell you guys because we didn’t know how you’d react.”

The room was silent with all mouths open.

“But since you all decided to make an intervention to get us together, that means you aren’t mad about this right? Right? ” He continues, laughing nervously.

Jonny clears his throat. All eyes swing to him.

“We are engaged actually. Only our families know.”

The room breaks out in chaos. 

 

The End.

 

***

 

Sharpy loves his rookies...

 

But they are still idiots.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Motivation and school work don't go hand in hand. Hope you like it.   
> (If you are the owners of the pictures, please message me and I will give credit).


End file.
